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blm

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Feb 27 12 5:15 AM

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THE TVNEWSCAPS TICKER

This thread is a story told through a series of fictional "headlines" that I will post here.  It is a continuation of my TVNewser Parody thread, though I will no longer be parodying TVNewser.

You can read my past headlines-and get caught up on the story-on the TVNewser Parody thread, which can be found here:  http://tvnewscaps.maxforum.org/2012/02/23/a-parody-of-tvnewser

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blm

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Posts: 2,633

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Feb 27 12 5:23 AM

The TVNewsCaps Ticker:  Monday February 27, 2012

-Rumors of a massive lawsuit against Comedy Central and Jon Stewart proved true as a group of Fox News Channel anchors filed a $5 billion defamation lawsuit against both the network and the former Daily Show host.  Investors are concerned of the effects that this lawsuit will have on Comedy Central's parent company, Viacom, which will likely be forced into bankruptcy should the anchors prevail in their lawsuit.  Stewart is currently serving a life sentence after being convicted of criminal defamation.

-Kimberly Guilfoyle was once again spotted in Warner Robins, Georgia, this time singing karaoke with a male that sources identify as "Paul."  The couple was witnessed being very affectionate with one another, and it is highly likely that "Paul" is the man that Guilfoyle is rumored to be seeing.

-Federal police conducted a pre-dawn raid of the home of David Rubulotta, Citigroup executive and the fiancee of CNN anchor Erin Burnett.  A federal judge had issued a warrant for Rubulotta's arrest on charges of securities fraud.  Attempts to reach Burnett for comment have been unsuccessful.

-Fox News Channel reporter Ainsley Earhardt has announced that she is leaving the network.  However, she will not be out of the public eye for too long.  Earhardt is in contract negotiations to join "BLM's" soon-to-be-launched 24-hour news channel.  Reliable sources indicate that Megyn Kelly, Lara Logan, and Jenna Lee will also be making the jump from Fox News to the new network.

-In what many critics say was a dumb move on the part of the producers of Fox News Channel's The Five, Shirley Phelps-Roper, member of the hated Westboro Baptist Church, was invited as a guest panelist on the show.  She was filling in for the vacationing Kimberly Guilfoyle.  Phelps-Roper and Banderas-who have tussled in the past-got into a heated argument.  Banderas rose from her chair as Phelps-Roper continued to shout insults toward her.  Security was called in to prevent the dispute from getting physical.  In the ensuing altercation, Phelps-Roper was struck with a truncheon and tasered before being escorted out of the studio.  Banderas was unhurt in the scuffle, and the show continued as normal.  Addressing the incident, Fox News President Roger Ailes said that "Banderas did everything right."  The producers have since been fired.

-Leif Babin, the now-former husband of Fox News Channel anchor Jenna Lee, was convicted in a Florida court of filing a false police report.  While the couple was vacationing in the Florida Panhandle, Babin had reported Lee kidnapped.  Lee subsquently posted a video on her Facebook page showing her sipping margaritas on the beach with co-workers Lara Logan and Megyn Kelly, as well as a male now identified as "BLM."  Lee's testimony, in which she confessed that she left willingly and expressed her wish to divorce Babin, sealed the former Navy SEAL's fate.  Babin faces up to 25 years in prison.

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